relationships. particularly ... taking it to the next level.
when it is time to take it to the next step and move in with the person who knocked you off your feet? personally, i think this thought shouldn't even be considered until after the one year mark.. preferrably after the 2.5-3yr mark, but we all know that isn't always the case. we know the first year (and this is based off of you seeing this person at LEAST four-five times a week, any less doesn't really constitute), is the 'honeymoon' phase, and of course it's going to be all smiles and lovey dovey trips of 'omg he's oh soo amazing.'
my personal thoughts when it comes to taking it to the next step in a relationship? expect the best, but be prepared for THE WORST. If there is one thing to expect when moving in with your boyfriend, it is that not everything will be as you expect it, and not everything will be as you want it.. you must absolutely understand this. i cannot stress it enough!! along with the benefits of being able to share a home together, there are also possible risks to consider. And I would recommend ALLLLL women should take time to assess the risks and benefits before you take the plunge.
first lets talk about the reasons one might want to do this. maybe you're tired of paying rent when you're always at your boyfriend's apartment (or for my young grasshoppers, wanna get out of your parents dungeon), or maybe you just feel it's finally time to move on to the next level in your relationship. well one good thing is, you will def save money. it seems like spending most of your time together would be the same as living together, but it's much different. Like any roommate, your sweetie is going to do things that annoy you, whether it's leaving the cap off the toothpaste or watching TV till 2 AM. dating is all fun, but living with someone takes work. Who is going to clean the bathroom? How are the bills going to be divided? you might think half is even.. but what is he's one to leave the lights on all the time, or if she does laundry every single day.. or if he orders pay per view movies all night? you must be considerate of the bills, of everything.
as stated above, i personally moved out at a superrr young age, into a place with my boyfriend of then three years. i was super excited about it. i mean come on, what 16yr old was living with her first love in a 3bed/2bath house with a large yard (perfect for tanning hehe) by ourselves? we got two dogs, one kitty, and we truly felt like a family. it was amazing.
problems began. one of my big problems was that i deifnitely got caught up in the details of running a household. i set my weekends out for doing things like laundry, yard work, etc.. we had our own ways of cleaning things, when to do chores, i liked to maintain cleanliness as opposed to his style of living how he wants, and doing a thorough cleaning every few days. then came the comments such as "i already got a mother, stop acting like mine!" which pissed me off to no end! lol
now onto some things that will definitely change in the relationship.....
a.) becoming too comfortable. you can expect that he will "let his hair down," so to speak, or, in other words, he will start leaving his socks around the place. This is not so much because he expects you to pick up after him, but because he may feel he no longer needs to try to impress you by keeping the place neat and clean.. i got kind of lucky because my then boyfriend was just as much a clean freak as i am. lol
b.) his boys/her girls. expect that his friends might be over when it is not convenient to you, as when you are just about to get out of the shower, or when you have to get up early the next morning for work. this was a biggie in my relationship, i couldnt tell you how many times i came running to my room wit a towel around my body all to scream my lungs off when i ran into one of his boys. eek.. talk about awkward! Good thing it was winter & I was wearing a towel, because during warm weather months i usually dry off in the bathroom and walk to my room naked! lol
c.) personal stuff. i would say put away anything you don't want him to see. Maybe you have some photos of old boyfriends or letters to/from exes. i have been with the same guy since i knew what dating was, so if him and i were to break up, i know id have a loooooooot of things to get rid of so my future boyfriend won't see everything. this is very crucial. i don't think you will ever understand the damage it can cause until it happens to you, but i wouldn't wish it upon any one.
d.) finances. sit down with him and discuss finances -- who will pay what, etc? are you going to combine bank accounts? Whose name will the utilities be in? Figuring all of this out before moving in together will make your moving in much smoother.
e.) routine. work out a routine. plan out how you will will handle chores around your house/apartment. What happens when you get home from work and there is no food to eat? Do you cook even when it is not your turn to cook or do you just do what makes sense -- prepare something for both of you? these may seem minute, but it really can cause little fights.
these things really add up. this is just my experience from living with my fiancee of almost six years. as stated before, i really don't want any of you to change your mind about moving in just based on what i am saying.
i'm not trying to scare you. however if you really think these can be potential problems, then perhaps you two should try to work them out before they become a problem.
I am really just trying to bring everything back to reality, hope for the best, but expect realistic things. It is not all going to be roses and sunshine. Expect to work through your problems and disagreements together.
Most importantly it is good to realize that compromise is important. communication is key. you have to work at it for it to be a success. I mean hey, how bad can coming home to flowers on your dresser be?? hehe :)
good luck my little lady bugs!